Between 11th and 14th March 1999 Cambridge University Brass Band travelled around the North-East of England on what turned out to be their most successful tour to date.

Concerts performed included a performance with the famous virtuoso cornet player, Jimmy Shepherd, as guest soloist, and the band also performed their first concert with a choir.

Organised in conjunction with, and with financial support from Durham County Council Arts and Libraries, the band also presented brass music to groups of Durham schoolchildren in a series of masterclasses.

The band's performances in concerts were outstanding, and much praise was gained from audiences who live in the very heart of high quality brass band music.

Cambridge University Brass Band would like to thank the following people and organisations for their help and support with Tour 99:

• Blue Circle Cement
• Castle Eden Breweries
• Vaux Breweries
• Walkers Crisps
• Durham County Council Arts and Libraries Department
• Jonathan Livingstone
• Ken Stevens Music and Instruments LTD, Cambridge
• Mr A. Bimbi, Bimbi's Fish Restaurant, Durham.
• Tony Griffiths, Secretary of Greggs Bakeries Band (Newbiggin)
• Jim Shepherd
• Mrs Joan Wariner
• Bill McDonald
• Mrs Hessler

10:30am - Depart from Churchill College.

3:30pm - Arrive at Portland Lodge, Eastgate.

4:00pm - Rehearsal.

5:00pm - Dinner.

6:50pm - Leave Lodge.

7:00pm - Arrive at St. John's Chapel Town Hall.

7:30pm - Concert at St. John's Chapel Town Hall.

9:45pm - Depart St. John's Chapel.

9:50pm - Arrive back at Lodge. Drink.

8:00am - Leave Lodge.

9:00am - Arrive in Durham.

10:00am - First schools' class starts.

11:40am - Meet back at drop-off point.

12:00pm - Lunchtime concert in County Hall.

12:30pm - Lunch in County Hall canteen.

2:15pm - Second schools' class.

3:30pm - Depart Durham.

5:00pm - Arrive in Newbiggin, rehearsal with Jimmy Shepherd.

7:30pm - Concert at Newbiggin Sports Centre.

9:45pm - Leave Newbiggin.

12:00am - Arrive at Lodge. Drink.

11:00am - Depart Lodge.

12:30pm - Arrive in Newcastle. Afternoon free time in Newcastle.

3:15pm - Leave Newcastle.

3:30pm - View Angel of the North sculpture.

4:00pm - Arrive in Durham, one hour free.

5:00pm - Dinner at Bimbi's Fish restaurant in Durham City.

6:00pm - Arrive at Durham Old Elvet Methodist Church, Durham City.

7:30pm - Concert at Old Elvet Methodist Church.

9:45pm - Depart Durham.

10:45pm - Arrive back at Lodge. Drink.

10:00am - Annual CUBB Lads v Lasses football match.

12:00pm - Lunch in Lodge, tidy hostel, pack bus.

2:00pm - Depart for Richmond.

3:15pm - Arrive in Richmond.

4:15pm - Leave Richmond.

5:00pm - Arrive in Northallerton.

6:00pm - Rehearsal with Northallerton Male Voice Choir.

7:30pm - Concert.

9:30pm - Leave Northallerton.

1:30am - Arrive in Cambridge.

23:00 The draw for the first and final round of the Wogan Cup took place on Thursday, 4th March 1999 at Wolfson College Bar, Cambridge, witnessed by divers members of the band. Mr. Stephen Arnold of the Cambridge University Brass Band Society Boys' Football Club drew the home teams and Miss Kate Barlow of the Cambridge University Brass Band Society Girls' Football Club drew the away teams. Mr. Christopher McDonald, Chairman of the Cambridge University Brass Band Society had the honour of holding the bag. The result of the draw, and hence the list of fixtures, is as follows:

#1 The Boys will play #2 The Girls And that concludes the list of fixtures, the matches to be played on the weekend of the 13th and 14th March.

10:00 The band arrives outside Churchill College.

10:01 All the punters in the Guess the Driver's Name Competition are disappointed, the winning name of Link having been surprisingly overlooked by all.

10:15 It quickly becomes apparent that the luggage space is not quite big enough. Emergency action is required. Early competition for the Turd of Honour is prevented as the toilet becomes a space for bags.

10:29 Miss Barlow informs us for the first time that 'Price Rogers Sanger'.

10:30 Link conducts the first of many reversing manoeuvres.

10:50 Mr. Leach finally arrives, setting the trend for making sure that he is last on the bus on every occasion.

11:00 The band sit back ready to watch a video.

11:01 The band learn that the video player does not work.

11:02 The band decide to listen to some music instead.

11:03 The tape player doesn't work either.

11:04 Already bored, the sport of bonnetting is born of frustration, and proves an immediate success.

12:00 Pot stop.

13:30 Link drives the bus into Blythe services to allow us to have lunch.

13:31 Link drives the bus straight back out of Blythe services again, preferring instead to drive round in circles.

13:45 Link finally becomes dizzy and brings the coach to a halt. The band alight to discover that there is no all day breakfast.

16:00 Coach arrives at Eastgate. Link is about to drive in, when he realises that it would be a lot more difficult to reverse in, doing some sort of three point turn manoeuvre which involves blocking the whole road.

16:05 Mr. Warriner is waiting to greet the band.

17:00 Some of the band risk their eyesight to cook some tea, while the rest set about a quick rehearsal.

17:10 A bad note prompts Miss Knights to laugh.

18:00 Food! Unfortunately a tight schedule allows no time for pudding or port.

19:00 Arrive at St. John's Chapel. After the amazing night life of Cambridge, the band seem surprised to learn that there is nothing better to do in deepest County Durham than go to hear a brass band play.

19:10 The band is impressed by the wallpaper of the village hall. The efficiency of the central heating system is also much admired.

19:30 First concert gets underway, and goes well.

20:15 Those of the band not suffering from hypothermia make their way off stage to enjoy some excellent scones.

20:30 Place mats depicting the colleges of Cambridge prove to be a less popular raffle prize than a bottle of strawberry fizz won as a booby prize in the County quiz.

21:30 The band retire to the hostel for the first evening of cheesy music and alcohol.

23:00 Four chairmen past and present pose for a photograph.

00:20 The hard-core settles down to enjoy several rousing choruses of YMCA, the Chicken Song and Daydream Believer.

01:15 Miss Stock plays party-pooper and sends everyone to bed.

07:30 Someone has daftly arranged for us to be in Durham early for a school's workshop, so it's an early start. Might as well have had Warriner in charge again!

07:35 The men's showers are encountered for the first time and are found to lack a certain degree of privacy. The boys must find a trusted mate to act as shower buddy.

07:45 In keeping with tradition, Mr. Bailey plays reveille.

07:50 In keeping with tradition, Mr. Bailey is told to shut up.

08:45 After a quick breakfast, the band sets about making its first set of rank sandwiches.

09:30 After a surprisingly uneventful ride, the band arrives in Durham and rents itself asunder, half spending the morning looking round Durham, the others taking a school's workshop. Miss Barlow announces that people should 'phone her mobile if they get lost (obviously after making the appropriate safety check that they are not near a petrol station).

09:35 Mr. Thomson storms ahead of the main party, excited by rumours of a museum devoted entirely to salad vegetables. The rest of the band fears a repeat performance of Beaumaris (except without such an impressive set of toilets in the background).

10:00 Initial searches for a Durham tea shop prove fruitless, only a tacky coffee shop appearing open, and even the singularly Norman cathedral letting us down. Fortunately, we were eventually able to find an open tea shop next to a poster of Richard Whitely.

10:30 The group splits to pursue their varying interests. Miss Knights, Miss Haigh and Mr. Parkington spend the morning stuffing their faces in the fine selection of Durham bakeries, Mr. Leach installs himself in Durham cathedral to research his future job, before heading off to W.H.Smith's to buy a protractor with which to measure the cracks in the pavements. Miss Barlow leads a party to see a riverside sculpture, where she discovers her offer of cartographic aid even more useless than she had at first imagined as she has forgotten to switch her 'phone on.

11:30 The group reassembles to return to the coach, although Mr. Sanger must first 'phone up to check his way.

12:00 The band arrives at County Hall for a small concert for council officials.

12:30 Free lunch at the fine canteen.

14:30 The second set of school's workshop commences, with the promise of a now rare outing for the Floral Dance.

14:35 Miss Lasley starts here bottom-waggling conducting, undismayed that there is only one part between nine players.

14:45 The back row cornets and horns are delighted by the choice of Oom Pah Pah as one of the pieces, feeling that it is a fine representation of all that is finest in Brass Band Music.

15:00 One of the first cornets demonstrates his technique of playing A all the time, whatever notes are actually printed on the score. Miss Barlow is soon won over by this simple idea.

15:05 Miss Peck makes friends with the drummer sitting next to her. He apparently “doesn't look at the music, but just makes it up. Occasionally I play out of time, but not very often. I'm quite good really.”

15:15 Miss Lasley accuses her young charges of sounding farty, and is therefore offered a job.

15:30 Miss Lasley, the disgraceful perpetrator of the vilest of all crimes and a pustule in the groin of humanity, drops the Floral Dance from the programme and so condemns herself to an eternity in Hell, which is really quite a lenient punishment.

16:00 The band sets off for Newbiggin, Northumberland.

17:00 The band meets Jimmy Shepherd, who to everyone's surprise is a Murray Walker look alike. However, his grand prix commentary style leaves something to be desired.

17:15 The band practises with Murray, but is tired and sounds rubbish. A few nerves start jangling.

17:30 Jimmy produces his Alpine Echo Cornet, denying Mr. Bushby his moment of glory.

19:30 The concert with Jimmy is an outstanding success. The band plays fantastically, and Jimmy sounds absolutely superb, although he is only good enough to play third man down during the encore! There is a disturbing moment early on when the audience demonstrate a knowledge of music by clapping before the D.C, in Castell Coch.

23:00 Back to the hostel for more bad music and beer - strangely the McEwan's export seems to be moving slowly.

23:30 Fearful that his hair might be out of place after a night in bed, Mr. Price plans to stay up all night.

05:30 Messrs. Price and Morris finally go to bed (separately).

12:00 The band sets off for Newcastle.

13:00 Link decides to reverse down the A1.

13:15 A nasal appendage causes untold hilarity.

14:00 Disgracefully, the band coach must share a car park with a load of Man Utd. fans.

15:00 Mr. Morris and Mr. Howlett discover the bliss of Newcastle's finest cheesy music shop.

15:30 The band gradually converges on Tyne Bridge for multiple photo sessions, with the help of Mr. Howlett's mate.

15:35 Miss English looks on aghast as Miss Holtham sits in a dog poo. The second Turd of Honour is claimed.

16:30 The band poses for photographs before the Angel of the North.

17:30 A meal at one of Durham's chippies. Everyone, especially Mr. Bushby, enjoys the mushy peas.

19:00 Mr. Hopkin and Mr. Mungall lead a team bonding exercise.

19:50 Mr. Bushby performs his supervirtuoso performance of Bushstorm.

19:55 A member of the audience accidentally shows signs of life.

20:30 Band veteran Mr. Paul Stockdale is spotted in the audience.

21:30 A Question of Band gets under way. Sadly David Coleman is unable to make it, but Messrs. Arnold and Tildesley do an admirable job in his stead. “So, Leach, I understand you're planning to rule the world after the next Olympics…”

22:00 Miss Lasley settles down for a quiet drink.

22:05 Mr. Thomson proves to be a master tactician in a Question of Band, leading his team to defeat with admirable finesse.

22:25 Miss Lasley settles down for another quiet drink.

22:45 The semi-final places are decided - Trombones will play horns and there will be a derby grudge match between front and back row cornets.

22:55 Miss Lasley settles down for a slightly louder drink.

23:10 A semi-final upset. Despite an injury crisis leaving Mr. Houghton unable to contribute much, the back row cornets knock out their prestigious rivals.

23:50 Miss Lasley has by this stage become quite vociferous in her imbibing.

00:10 The band waits in anticipation for the grand final.

00:50 Several very bad impressions of Mr. Murrils, Mr. Leach, Miss Lasley et al later, the back row cornets emerge victorious from the quiz and the horns all start sulking.

01:00 Miss Lasley informs everyone that she has no wish to be an infant teacher.

01:01 Miss Lasley informs everyone that she has no wish to be an infant teacher.

01:02 Miss Lasley informs everyone that she has no wish to be an infant teacher.

01:03 Mr. McDonald picks Miss Lasley's nose.

01:04 Miss Lasley informs everyone that she has no wish to be an infant teacher.

01:05 Mr. Hopkin attempts to carry Miss Lasley to bed.

01:06 Miss Lasley attempts to drink some water, but ends up spitting on the floor, before making everyone aware of the fact that it is not her intention to be an infant teacher.

02:05 Once more the hostel re-echoes to the sound of YMCA.

02:30 Once more the hostel re-echoes to the sound of Miss Lasley.

03:00 Messrs. Arnold, McDonald and Sanger re-perform virtuoso Jimmy Shepherd's performance of Alpine Echoes.

03:30 The mass of empty beer cans has no built up in the lounge, although strangely the McEwan's export remains almost untouched. Several engineers test their skills at building a bridge from the empty cans, and demonstrate that for all they've learnt about construction they might as well have read history.

03:45 Miss Lasley still feels that the career of infant teacher is not for her.

03:55 Miss Lasley and Mr. Hopkin fall asleep together at the top of the stairs.

04:00 Link decides to cook a curry.

04:15 Mr. Leach leads an expedition to the coach house, with the intention of listening to the Carpenters and drinking more alcohol.

04:55 Miss Peck, Mr. Morris, Mr. Price and Mr. Johnston discover than Link has helpfully locked them out of the hostel. Mr. Johnston is forced to make an entrance through an open window.

05:30 The last band members repair to their beds.

09:30 The boys' and girls' football teams start warming up for the big match.

09:55 Miss Lasley turns up, somewhat quieter than last night. The girls' team seems to be in trouble - their goalkeeper is still getting ready in the shower.

10:00 The Wogan Cup final takes place. The teams are led out by referee Mr. Morris and his assistants Mr. Warriner and Miss Taylor. Mr. Hopkin plays Abide With Me and God Save The Queen and Mr. Leach makes a startling drag appearance as both the guest of honour and the girls' goalkeeper. Mr. Elwell can only stand appalled on the touch-line at the sight of this cross-dressing spectacle.

10:10 The referee makes a stunning goal line clearance and the linesman makes a stunning tackle to keep the girls in contention.

10:15 Mr. Leach is cautioned for ungentlemanly conduct, after holding up the taking of a goal kick to drink a cup of tea.

10:25 Half-time, and the score is five-one.

10:45 Mr. Leach embarrasses himself by accidentally scoring a goal. The match finishes at ten-three.

11:00 The hostel is cleaned. The lounge is almost unrecognisable without its littering of beer cans. Despite a very messy floor in the boys' toilets, there is general disappointment at the lack of a genuine turd incident.

12:00 Link's curry is finally ready, and his secret ingredient is judged a success.

14:00 Time to leave the hostel.

15:00 The band arrives in the Yorkshire town of Richmond, home of Mr. William Hague, and immediately sets off to terrorise its tea-houses.

15:30 Miss Knights hits upon an interesting theory as to how a student can afford to by thousands of brass instruments without having a job.

19:00 Link arrives in Northallerton, but before we can prepare for the concert it is important to get trapped behind the car of a teacher who is away for two days, drive round and round Northallerton in circles and reverse around a roundabout. Link pulls the coach up tired but happy.

19:30 The final concert of tour, with the highly acclaimed Northallerton Male Voice Choir. Mr. Hopkin instructs the band not to fidget while the choir are singing, or he'll disembowel them with his conducting baton.

19:31 The choir begins a highly enjoyable concert, but Mr. Hopkin, possibly regretting his former Draconian statement, seems unable to resist putting his baton up his nose all the way through the concert.

21:30 The concert over, one of the choir's geriatric members tries his chat up lines on Miss Haigh.

22:05 As the coach pulls away, the committee all make a desperate dive to be first to talk on the microphone.

22:10 Sadly, no alcohol is allowed on the coach, so the high after the concert gradually dies down.

23:55 Band veteran Mr. Bailey announces his retirement.

02:00 The coach arrives in Cambridge, and dumps all the instruments in Mill Road to be carried to Mr. Leach's house.